Northwoods Blues

This blog was inspired by an article in yesterday's Mpls Star-Trib. :)

Birch Woods, Minnesota.
Federal authorities have siezed more than 50 truckloads of bread destined for domestic markets today, claiming improper labeling of ingredients. According to them, Northwoods Bakeries, Inc., the bakers of the allegedly illegal bread, were labeling their product as "nonwheat bread" when, in fact, it did contain wheat products. The spokesperson for the company disagreed heartily, however. According to Ella Embarrassola, the packaging clearly states that the bread is produced from smelt.

"How dese guys dere coulda thought dat smelt is a wheat product is clearly beyond my comprehension." she stated. "I mean, really, ya know, smelt is a fish, eh? Jeez.

The federal official, who requested to not be anonymous, responded by saying that spelt is on their list of wheat products and that Northwoods Bakeries had been previously warned that thier product was in violation of federal packaging laws. "What if somebody with a wheat intolerance eats this bread and dies?" he raved.

Ms. Embarssola countered by saying, "Dem goofy guys got it all mixed up, ya know. Ya ya, only a ding-dong would confuse a fish with a plant, no matter how it's spelt, ya know. We tol' 'em dat back when, eh?. And, ya know another thing, eh, izzat dem dere feds like ta go offa da deep end once in a while, ya know. Don' dey know how hard it is to get smelt outta season? (eh don' print dat, eh) Personally, our company could care less about da bread, but we would like ta get our trucks back, eh?

Birch Woods' mayor, Wallace Isabella-Lake, commented, "Ya ya, I don' zackly unnerstan da feds' case, here, ya know. After all, dis stuff ain't lutefisk, eh? Somebody down dere ta DC musta spelt it wrong, fer sure.

The case is set for trial in district court in Duluth, Minnesota, next February 22.

Oooohhh ya ya :) :) :)